I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching recently, about a lot of things. I’ve always been pretty introspective, and when my heart of hearts starts to get that familiar unsettled feeling, I start to go even deeper into my own head.
When I was younger, that feeling most often came up in my dating life—it let me know that who I was dating at the time wasn’t really the one for me, and even though I was usually terrified to break off those relationships, I knew that in the end, I couldn’t live with myself if I let it keep going when I knew deep down it wasn’t right.
Thankfully I don’t have to ask that question anymore. (Yet another perk of marriage!)
However, I HAVE been feeling that familiar unsettled feeling lately nearly every day after work. I find myself asking the same questions over and over and over:
Am I happy doing this?
Am I making a difference?
Am I utilizing my talents to their fullest extent?
Do I look forward to going to work? (Or at the very least, not dread it?)
Most days, I feel like the answers are no, no, no, no. And it’s kind of heartwrenching: I’ve spent most of my life dreaming of the day when I’d be a teacher because I was so sure—POSITIVE—that my “calling” in life involved teaching others.
But more nights than not, I come home discouraged and distressed. I find that there are so many days that at the end of it all, instead of feeling like I’ve been doing this great and noble thing, I just feel depleted of absolutely everything—energy, motivation, passion, goodwill.
Everyone keeps telling me to just stick it out past the first three years. Everyone else keeps telling me that I just need to try a different age group—maybe high school (like I’ve always thought) is the place for me.
And maybe those things are true.
But lately, that’s what’s been on my mind. And even though all of this is rather circular and doesn’t really lead to any great big revelations, it feels good to just get it out there.
Have you found a job you love? How did you know you’d found THE ONE?
