On the Edge

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Lately, I’ve been feeling on the edge about something just under the surface.

I don’t know any other way to explain it—I feel like something is about to happen or change or appear in my life that I didn’t expect.

Maybe it’s because not much has changed in my life over the past year and a half—in fact, this is the most stable my life has been in years (maybe the most stable it’s been ever). In other stages of my life, things were always changing: boyfriends, jobs, the schooling situation, locations, etc. But as of now, Matt and I have been in the same apartment for two and a half years, we’ve been together for more than three years, I’ve had my teaching job for 14 months, and I’ve been in the same church calling for 18 months. My weekly schedule rarely varies (work from 6:30 – 5:00, go running on M/W/Sat, donate plasma on Tu/Th, and go to the weekly activities with my young women on Thursday nights. Every second, third, and fourth Sunday, I have a meeting, and I’m pretty sure that on most Sunday nights, we’ll be playing board games with our friends. Throw in our weekly date night on Friday, and you’ve pretty much summarized my life.

Maybe it’s just because I’m so used to change that I feel so unsettled lately, but I can’t help feeling like something is right on the corner of my vision.

Sometimes the feeling hits me right before I go to sleep, and I’ll scoot a little closer to Matt and put my arms around him to feel more secure.

Sometimes the feeling hits me when I’m reading around 8 PM at night, and mid-page-turn, I’ll feel like something is off, or like I’m forgetting something.

Does this ever happen to you?

 

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