I made a comment today that pregnancy has made me feel like a completely different person–one I’ve never met before, and one I’m definitely not used to. If you had asked me before to describe myself in 3 words, one word that I would ALWAYS include on the list would be “motivated.”
Pregnancy has changed that word.
Even though I’m officially in the second trimester and feeling a bit more energetic and a lot less sick, I have found that the shift in priorities that came three months ago is still in effect–
Before, I spent an inordinate amount of time and energy worrying about the presentability of my apartment, my weight and overall fitness level, my to-do lists, my wardrobe, how many books I’d finished that month, the level of traffic on this here blog, etc. It’s like I had this constant mental picture of what I wanted my life to be like and was constantly measuring myself against it to see if I was there or not.
(I’ll let you in on a secret–I was rarely measuring up to where I thought I should be.)
The waning energy levels and morning sickness of last trimester made me quickly realize that I couldn’t care about all that as much anymore. I no longer had the energy for much housework or extra grooming, to-do lists become somewhat of a joke, and–irony of ironies–reading makes this here English teacher feel even sicker to her stomach than usual, so I haven’t touched a book in months.
My non-pregnant brain never could have grasped this level of un-motivated-ness. I would have judged myself for my complete and utter lack of concern about all the things I “should” be doing to keep up with outer appearances.
Now, I am in this almost-blissful state where I simply pour my energy into the most essential tasks for each day, and I let myself go for the rest of it.
It’s pretty liberating, actually.