Today I taught my second full-time lesson of this semester, which was focused around The Merchant of Venice. I took a different spin on the usual ways to approach character motivation and discussed with the class the manipulative behaviors of one of the main characters. We talked about why the character might have chosen to be maniupulative and what could have been a better strategy to get what she wanted. Then I had them fill out the following inventory, checking yes or no by the behaviors they had or had not done in the past year.
If you’re curious, get out a pen and paper and see how manipulative you are:
___ yes ___ no ( 1) Play the victim
___ yes ___ no ( 2) Play the martyr
___ yes ___ no ( 3) Act helpless
___ yes ___ no ( 4) Play stupid
___ yes ___ no ( 5) Act incompetent
___ yes ___ no ( 6) Act angry
___ yes ___ no ( 7) Throw temper tantrums
___ yes ___ no ( 8) Say “anything you want” when you don’t mean it
___ yes ___ no ( 9) Act compliant when you don’t want to
___ yes ___ no (10) Lie about how you feel
___ yes ___ no (11) Act lost
___ yes ___ no (12) Act suicidal
___ yes ___ no (13) Act hopeless and pathetic
___ yes ___ no (14) Act depressed
___ yes ___ no (15) Act befuddled or confused
___ yes ___ no (16) Tell stories or fabrications
___ yes ___ no (17) Use hyperbole or exaggeration to build up problems
___ yes ___ no (18) Act as a “wedge” between people keeping them divided against one another
___ yes ___ no (19) Act judgmental or shame people
___ yes ___ no (20) Use guilt trips
___ yes ___ no (21) Use ridicule
___ yes ___ no (22) “Cry wolf”
___ yes ___ no (23) “Looking good” for the other
___ yes ___ no (24) People pleasing
___ yes ___ no (25) Passive aggressiveness
___ yes ___ no (26) Act hurt or wounded
___ yes ___ no (27) Act ignored or forgotten
___ yes ___ no (28) Act unloved or uncared for
___ yes ___ no (29) Blame others for your problems
___ yes ___ no (30) Kiss up
___ yes ___ no (31) Act overly solicitous
___ yes ___ no (32) Ingratiate yourself with others
___ yes ___ no (33) Exaggerated sincerity
___ yes ___ no (34) Overly charming
___ yes ___ no (35) Act “out of it”
___ yes ___ no (36) Act “sorry” for your bad behaviors
___ yes ___ no (37) Insincere promising of change or reformation of behaviors
___ yes ___ no (38) Act as if you don’t have value or worth
___ yes ___ no (39) Keep everybody upset to keep focus off you
___ yes ___ no (40) Keep people around you in competitive relationships
We talked about how there are healthier ways to get what you wanted, including talking openly and honestly about your feelings and why you’re feeling the way that you are and doing a lot of self-reflection to discover why you manipulate people (since after this list, it should be pretty apparent that everyone does it).
One thing that surprised me though was that my classmates said that manipulation is not always a bad thing and that it is sometimes necessary to get what you want or to help another person. Would you agree with them?
For more information, see http://www.livestrong.com/article/15065-eliminating-manipulation/